THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (1957, GREAT BRITAIN)

The Bridge on the River Kwai has got to be ranked as one of the greatest films ever made! At least that’s my initial reaction after seeing it for the first time last night. The question is why did I put off seeing it for over forty years?

I could try to list reasons why you should see it, but I really don’t want others to make the same mistake that I made and procrastinate for years and say “I just don’t feel like watching a three-hour 1950’s war film.

So, instead I will now implement hypnosis techniques I learned from Marshall Sylver’s home hypnosis kit to persuade you in a little stronger way to watch this film if you are for some reason still reluctant.

We begin:

I want you to listen carefully to my voice
as you close your eyes and picture yourself
in a clearing outside a Japanese jungle in 1943.
Do not be concerned, for you are not a prisoner of war,
You are free and just there relaxing, relaxing.

Deeper…deeper…

You hear whistling in the background,
The World War I Colonel Bogey March, I think.
But if that’s too jaunty for our purposes,
just imagine the more tranquil “Fishin’ Hole” theme
from The Andy Griffith Show.

Deeper…Deeper…

If you are a male, four female Thai water carriers
are bringing you fresh sustenance,
If you are a female, you are being brought an extremely dry martini
from a shirtless William Holden.

Deeper…Deeper

You are totally in control
just like Alec Guiness.
But the force is not with you,
because that’s a different movie.

Deeper..Deeper

You are now totally susceptible to the power of suggestion.
And I am suggesting that you watch The Bridge Over the River Kwai,
Now available on DVD and Blue-Ray from Columbia.

Deeper…Deeper.

When I count to three I will give my men the order to fire.
Scratch that.
What I meant to say is when I count to three you will awaken.

One…Two…Three…awake!

I hope you will now enjoy this film as much as I did.