Blog Writer: They don’t make ‘em like this anymore. It’s a horror movie that doesn’t go over the top and rely too much on special effects. We also don’t see anything filmed in black and white anymore, which could really add onto the creepiness factor of some recent films, BUT NO, that’s too subtle, we can’t have that either. And another thing…excuse me a second.
Sorry for the interruption. It’s just some plaster falling off the walls of my den. That’s a bit troubling...It’s really coming off in chunks. Anyway, continuing with my train of thought, Repulsion was Roman Polanski’s first major film in English and features one of the most beautiful actresses of all-time, Catherine Deneuve…Damn! Hold on just a minute…
Sorry, I thought I heard people having sex in the room above me. But that’s crazy since no one else is in the house. I guess my imagination is playing tricks on me. As I was saying, what was I saying? Something about Roman Gabriel? No, Roman Polanski, I think. I just can’t concentrate right now. These walls are really in worse shape than I thought.
At that moment a ghostly presence with flaming eyeballs and a hooded cloak appears in the seat next to the blog writer.
The Presence: So, what is it you think you’re doing?
Blog Writer: (Putting his hand to his chest) Oh! It’s just you. You really gave me a start. I was just writing about the 1965 psychological horror classic Repulsion.
The Presence: An interesting choice, but what you are saying in this blog sounds a lot like what you said about the movie The Haunting. I’ve been keeping notes on your entries and I see similarities here.
Blog Writer: Really? I do apologize if I’m being repetitive. It’s just that I’ve gone through about three hundred of the movies on this list and I guess I may be developing a tendency toward redundancy.
The Presence: That’s all very well. But do you think this is what you need to be doing right now, anyway? Shouldn’t you be promoting your short story, which is now available on Amazon and Kindle?
Blog Writer: You mean the story “Death Takes Another Holiday,” from the anthology Dreamspell Nightmares 2?
The Presence: (Sarcastically) No, I mean your Pygmy/Locust poem you wrote when you were a kid!
Blog Writer: Oh, yeah! Pygmy/Locust. I still remember it by heart, just like I wrote it yesterday…
The blogger clears his throat before reading.
Pygmies jumping to and fro,
Locusts everywhere,
I feel a greasy chipmunk a-lyin’ in my hair
Running water upside down.
Fishermen in the trees,
A hatchet twenty-five miles wide,
Chopping at my knees.
The pain inside has almost stopped,
That rattle in my brain,
Now help me get up, get outside,
And try to grab the rain.
The Presence: (Sighing) I’m guessing you did a lot of glue sniffing when you were young.
Blog Writer: No need to be so insulting.
The Presence: I’m sorry. But would you please promote your story already!
Blog Writer: All right. Dreamspell Nightmares 2 from L & L Dreamspell, a horror anthology featuring many great stories including “Death Takes Another Holiday” by Christopher Cox is now available on Amazon and Kindle.
The Presence: Anything else?
Blog Writer: You mean like I should say to visit their website at www.lldreamspell.com for other great books and story collections?
The Presence: Yes, like that. Was that really so hard? Oh, would you excuse me for just a second?
The presence begins brushing his jagged teeth. The blogger stares at him until the mouth of the ghostly figure has become frothy with toothpaste.
Blog Writer: What are you doing? Don’t you know where the bathroom is? And by the way, that’s my toothbrush!
The Presence lowers his head and hands the toothbrush back to the blogger who tosses it into a nearby trashcan.
Blog Writer: Anyway, you know how this whole self-promotion thing makes me uncomfortable.
The Presence: I have an idea. Why don’t you try to come up with a gimmicky way to get the information out so it won’t seem like you’re just promoting your book?
Blog Writer: I did that already. I posted the cover of the book at the top of the blog for The Haunting.
The Presence: Well, do it again.
Blog Writer: You don’t think I would be repeating myself again?
The Presence: Stop worrying so much. Just post the damn thing.
Blog Writer: I’m not sure…I...
The Presence has now started eating something with a pungent odor.
Blog Writer: What on earth are you doing now?
The Presence rips a piece of pink flesh into his mouth and begins chewing, though with some difficulty.
The Presence: Oh, this is just some raw rabbit I found in the refrigerator. It’s a little tough, but it’s quite hearty. Want a bite?
Blog Writer: No! No! I’ll post the cover already! Just take that thing out of here!
The Presence: Suit yourself. I have to go anyway. Now promise me you’ll call me when you do a blog on Swing Time. You know how I do love Fred and Ginger.
Blog Writer: I will. I will. Now let me have some peace, Thumper breath!
The Presence unsuccessfully stifles a burp as he disappears from view. The blog writer posts the cover of Dreamspell Nightmares 2 on his blog before unsuccessfully looking around the house for some Spackle.
Methinks the Presence is doing a little self promotion too!
ReplyDeleteVery clever! I've often read that the way to write short stories or novels is to create scenes like a screenplay.
ReplyDeleteHi Christopher. That was hysterical and this is from someone who has never and will never watch a horror film. Love your humor, though.
ReplyDeleteI greatly appreciate all the above input.
ReplyDeleteOh, this is hilarious. A refreshing way to promote, Chris. Congrats!
ReplyDelete