Monday, October 11, 2010

WALKABOUT (1971, GREAT BRITAIN)


The 1001 blog writer finds himself sitting in front of the remnants of a burned-out Volkswagen in the Australian outback. He glances at his watch before a strange being appears next him.

The Presence: (Dusting himself off) Hello, How are you my friend?

1001 Blogger: Well, if it isn't The Presence, my supernatural movie-watching comrade. I figured you were the one responsible for bringing me here. And you've obviously been spying on me to know I was watching the movie Walkabout. I'll say this; you've certainly recreated the setting of the movie well. By the way, do you know I can see you now?

The Presence: (Slowly spinning around) And what do you think of my appearance? Like my cloak?

1001 Blogger: I take it you're going for a Death in The Seventh Seal look, but your appearance really has more of a Michael Myers/Shatner-mask Halloween vibe to it.

The Presence: Is that good or bad? It’s strange to have to care about what you look like when you’ve been invisible most of your existence. Anyway, I’m getting way to metaphysical. Let's talk about you. How do you feel about being out here? Do you desire food?

1001 Blogger: I suppose I could go for a glass of water and I am a little hungry. I was just wondering if I should find something to club that wombat over there. What does a wombat even taste like?

The Presence: Do I look like I've ever eaten a wombat?

1001 Blogger: I really don't know what someone that eats wombat would look like, but you strike me as having real potential in that area.

The Presence: Considering you are at an unknown place, in unknown circumstances and don't know where your next meal is coming from, you seem pretty calm.

1001 Blogger: I think that was the biggest sticking point in the movie for me. The cute schoolgirl and her six-year-old brother seem pretty adaptable considering they are in unknown, unpleasant circumstances, don't know where there next meal is coming from and are facing multiple suicides. Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie, but I did have issues with it.

The Presence: I think you need one of the characters from the film to help you. (The Presence waves his arms and a six-year-old blonde boy wearing a school blazer appears.)

1001 Blogger: To tell you the truth I was hoping more for the cute school girl, but I guess you know what you're doing.

The Presence: (Turing to the school boy) My friend here seems to think that you and your sister not having a complete breakdown during the time you are wandering through the outback is a weakness in the movie.

1001 Blogger: (Whispering to The Presence) I don't think he can hear or see you. Let me ask him. (Turing to the boy) During your time in the Outback, I found that you and your sister not having a complete breakdown during was a weakness in the movie.

Young white boy: (Turning to the 1001 blogger) It's a bloody allegory. Don’t be such a git!

1001 Blogger: Maybe I was taking it a bit too literally, eh?

Young white boy: Now you get it. And another thing-

The Presence: Now that we've established that-

1001 Blogger: Hey, you interrupted my new friend! You brought him here. Let him speak.

Young white boy: Since I have experience out here, I can give you a few pointers if you like. I know where the watering holes are and I know where the cool cliffs are. We can play with my Matchbox cars.

The Presence: I wonder if bringing this boy here was such a good idea. I know you don't want to play with toy cars.

1001 Blogger: (To the Presence) Would you be quiet and stop interrupting? I loved my Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars when I was his age.

The Presence: Well, If you want to talk to him and just ignore me, I'm going to leave. (The Presence snaps his fingers and disappears.)

Young White Boy: You know, some of these rocks are really comfortable to sleep on if you spot the right one. Some of these slabs are really smooth. I'm sorry I called you a git by the way.

1001 Blogger: No problem, pal. I think you are giving me some really good survival tips. By the way, where's your sister?

Young White Boy: I think she's a yuppie in the future remembering a past that wasn't quite real to begin with.

1001 Blogger: So young, yet so profound. You're a real credit to the Aussie Elementary School system.

Young White Boy: I've got some Wonder Bread in my backpack if you want to smack that wombat over there in the head with a club and turn it into a bloody sandwich.

1001 Blogger: Now we're talking!

(The Presence returns and jumps in front of the 1001 blogger.
He is naked and painted from head to toe as a skeleton and begins shaking a ceremonial stick with a shrunken head attached to the end. The Presence starts moving rhythmically to a song that apparently only he can hear.)

1001 Blogger: (To the Presence) What the hell are you doing?

Young White Boy: Who are you talking to? Do you see a mirage?

1001 Blogger: I wish this sight were only a dream.

(The Presence snaps his fingers and the young boy vanishes.)

1001 Blogger: (To the Presence) Now why did you get rid of him?

The Presence: I don't think we need him after all. How's about you and me sing a rousing duet of "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" or maybe "Who Could it Be Now?"

1001 Blogger: No, lets go back. I'm a bit tired of the outback anyway. (The 1001 blogger turns around and notices The Presence has disappeared again. The blogger walks to the other side of the Volkswagen to find The Presence with his eyes closed, lifeless and hanging from a tree.)

1001 Blogger: Oh, please! Why don't you just put a sign around your neck that says, "I'm needy?” (The 1001 blogger folds his arm waiting for the Presence to move.) Come on down or I'll make you watch Pretty Woman again.

The Presence: (Opening his eyes and hopping down from the tree) You don't have to threaten me! Don't worry. I'll have us out of here in a Canberra minute.
1001 Blogger: And put some pants on. I don't mind being able to see you, but I don't really care to see quite that much of you.

(The Presence snaps his fingers and they both disappear)

2 comments:

  1. i've had a hard time keeping up with your writings lately, is it you speeding up or me slowing down?

    well never mind, keep up the good work and i'll do my best to keep pace, seems i liked this particular aussie movie a bit more than you did though

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  2. Going by your posts, Nicolas, I think we are in agreement most of the time.

    ReplyDelete