Tuesday, September 14, 2010


(The 1001 Movie Blogger is escorted through the courtroom to the witness stand and sworn in.)

Jimmy Stewart: Hello sir, you do realize why you are
here today?

1001 Blogger: I have no clue why I'm here today. All I know I was watching Anatomy of a Murder yesterday and today I find myself
in this court. I do want to know what I am being accused of.

George C. Scott: Perhaps I can shed some light on this
situation your honor. May I approach the defendant?

Judge Welch: It's a bit irregular, but I will give you
a little latitude here.

George C. Scott: Take a look at that woman sitting
over there, Mr. Blogger-If that is your real name.

(The woman in question is the voluptuous blonde Lee Remick, circa 1959, as she looked in Anatomy of a Murder.)

1001 Blogger: Okay, I'm looking.

George C. Scott: Do you think she's pretty?

1001 Blogger: Impressive...bordering on spectacular. But what's the point of your question?

George C. Scott: Let the record show that the defendant is not blind. He can see perfectly well.

Jimmy Stewart: Just a minute. Are you trying to
railroad my client, sir! He deserves his day in court before
you just arbitrarily toss him into the clink. (Stewart slams his right hand down on the prosecutor's table for emphasis.)

(Lee Remick giggles at the outburst and the entire court
soaks her in for a minute before the trial can proceed.)

Judge Welch:(to the lawyers) Gentleman, gentleman. Have you no since
of decency, sir? This is, after all, a court of law!

(A booming German voice from the back is heard as he
approaches the bench.)

Maxamillian Schell: Perhaps I can shed some light on
things. I say to you your honor, if this man is found
guilty, there are others who went along who must also be
found guilty.

Judge Welch: Stop right there sir. I believe you are looking for the
Nuremberg Trial, third door to the left.

Maxamillain Schell: Oh my God. I'm so embarrassed.
I was never here. (Schell runs out of the courtroom.)

Judge Welch: Now can we get back to-Who are you?

(A white haired man in suspenders approaches the bench
carrying a rock.)

Spencer Tracy: Mr. Blogger, have you ever read The Origin of the
by Charles Darwin?

1001 Blogger: Well, yeah. Most of it anyway.

Spencer Tracy: Oh. I wasn't expecting you to say
yes. I've got nothing else. Witness is excused. (Tracy returns to his seat.)

Judge Welch: Well, this is my courtroom and I don't excuse this witness.

Jimmy Stewart: Hold on here. Can I try something?
(Stewart goes to the bench and instructs the defendant to follow him around the courtroom. Stewart walks past the onlookers and twice around the perimeter of the room back with the 1001 Blogger following close behind before winding up back to the jury box.)

George C. Scott: OBJECTION !!! Counsel is leading the witness.

(Judge Welch pounds his gavel.)

Judge Welch: Any more references to
Kentucky Fried Movie and I swear clear I'll clear this courtroom! Do
you understand? Will the defendant please sit back down?

(The 1001 Blogger retakes the seat on the witness stand.)

George C. Scott: My colleague here has a question for the defendant.

(A JAG lawyer rises)

Tom Cruise: Did you or did you not order a code red?

1001 Blogger: What's a code red?

Tom Cruise: Um, I'm not really sure. I thought you knew.

(Cruise sits back down and lowers his head.)

(The 1001 blogger feels a light shining in his eye.
A portly man in a powdered wig drops a monocle into his

Charles Laughton: Sorry, your honor. I was using my monocle shining light method to see if this man was telling the truth or if he's just a...LIAR!

1001 Blogger: But I still don't know what
I'm being accussed of! This trial is...is

(A short, dark haired man stands and finishes the sentence for him.)

Al Pacino: This trial is out of order! My
client is guilty! My...

(Judge Welch bangs his gavel once again and
points to a sign above the door of the courtroom which reads-NO PACINO).

(Al Pacino gestures apologetically with his
hands and sits down.)

Jimmy Stewart: My goodness. May...may I have a
second to question my own client? Thank you. Do you laugh
when you hear the word panties spoken out loud?

1001 Blogger: No, of course not. Well, sometimes.

(A lady with a thick Australian accent stands.)

Meryl Streep: A Dingo Ate my baby!

(The courtroom looks at her for a moment before
ignoring her comment and looking back at the

(Juror #8 stands.)

Henry Fonda:No jury can declare a man guilty unless it's SURE.

Judge Welch: Those are admirable words. But this
is not a jury trial!

(Henry Fonda waves apologetically and slumps down in the jury box.)

Judge Welch: I believe we're ready for closing arguments

(A distinguished looking southern gentleman stands up.)

Gregory Peck: In the name of GOD, do your duty.

James Stewart: That's good Greg, but I think he was
talking to me. But I don't really have a close. How about you George?

George C. Scott: Me neither. Lets go have a beer. What
do you say?

Judge Welch
: Great idea. This case is dismissed. You
are free to go. Party at Barney Quill's bar!

(Everyone cheers as they leave the court for Barney Quill's Bar, leaving the 1001 blogger alone in the courtroom with a confused look on his face.)

(Lee Remick sticks her head back in the door of the courtroom and signals at the defendant.)

Lee Remick: Hey, Mr. Blogger fella! Aren't you coming to the party?

(The 1001 blogger breaks into a smile as he follows her out of the courtroom.)


  1. It's a good thing the jury wasn't in Mobile...and you know why!

  2. Nice review, butyou forgot Joe Pesci!!!

    "Two yoots!"