Sunday, January 16, 2011



The good citizens of Chickasaw, Alabama had just finished watching Citizen Kane on the outdoor portable theater screen at the Civic Center located directly behind the city library. They gave a loud ovation as the new mayor came to the microphone.

Chris raised his arms in acknowledgement of the applause of the crowd.

After the cheers died down, he began to speak.

“I want to thank you. And I think I speak for Orson Welles in his thanking of you as well.”

The audience laughed.

“I come here for you on this special inauguration day, since you have done me the honor of electing this humble librarian as your mayor. The first thing I want to do is put a stop to the rumors that I am using this office as a stepping stone. All I can say I’ve been elected mayor of Chickasaw and as God as my witness, mayor of Chickasaw is what I intend to be.”

The crowd cheered and applauded.

“I’d like to thank you all. But I’d like to give a special thanks to my wife Diana, my two daughters and my son, Collin. Let’s give them a hand.”

The crowd dutifully clapped again and Chris’s family smiled and waved back to him from the front row.

“As my first act as mayor, I’m going to do something unprecedented. We’ve just watched the greatest movie of all time, but I want to do something as a tribute to another movie, which is my personal favorite. It’s called The Swimmer.”

The crowd became hushed.

“I know most of you probably haven't seen it, but Burt Lancaster swims from pool to pool throughout his neighborhood until he finds his way home. I can’t do that exactly, because the only pool I know of in Chickasaw is here at the Rec center.”

The crowd laughed.

“But you do have TV’s and I may be coming to your house to watch movies all the way home. I’m calling it, The Diana Pool. The swimming pool element being metaphorical in this case, of course.”

Chris became more animated as he spoke to his people.

“I have the course all mapped out. From here, I can hit Grant Street to the left and visit the Grahams. Then I’ll head back and hit the cutoff and go to the Hammers house on Lee Street. From there, it’s a quick jump to Ray Sawyer Rd. and the Hooper’s place. Then that slight dogleg to the right, the Bunkers on Jackson St., then I’ll loop back around to the northern part of Johnston St. and the Hallorans. That will take me to Jefferson St. and I’ll double back to the Gilmartins. Little Autumndale St. and the Biswangers are next. No street is going to be too small for this mayor to visit. It’s a quick jump from there to 3rd St. and the house on the hill to…to…that’s funny I can’t remember who lives on the house on the hill.”

The crowd, including Chris’s wife, looked away with noticeable discomfort.

“Wait, I remember. That’s Shirley’s…I mean the Abbott house. That’s right. And from there I’ll bypass my own street back here to 1st street where I’ll go in that pool right over there. You got to get your feet wet if you want to be a librarian. Of course, if you want to be a politician, you better dive in headfirst. And from there I’ll head home, to 2nd St. and I will have completed The Diana Pool.”

The crowd was silent momentarily before erupting in yet another round of applause.

Chris walked down from behind his podium and glad-handed the people before embarking on his journey. He felt their eyes on his back as he left the grounds of the Civic Center. He couldn’t help but feel like Dorothy in Oz saying goodbye to all the munchkins that surrounded him.

Chris walked speedily to the left and quickly came to the Grahams house. He found the door was open and went in.

Mrs. Graham seemed surprised to see him, but offered Chris a smile. “Chrissy! I’m so glad to see you.” She gave him a big bear hug.

The coolness of her dangling earrings brushed up against him.

Chris smiled at her.

“It’s good to see you back on your feet,” she said.

“Mrs. G…I’m always on my feet when I’m around you.”

“Oh, don’t talk nonsense. You were always so flirty,” Mrs. Graham said.

“That’s because I was always so crazy about you. Between you and me, Mr. G is one lucky son-of-a-gun,” Chris said.

Mrs. Graham looked shocked. “I find that hard to believe. If I had only known…well, never mind. Have a seat. We’re about to watch one of Mr. G’s favorite movies, The Planet of the Apes.”

Mr. Graham came into the room, “Get you damn paws off my wife you damn, dirty librarian.” He smiled as he said it and followed it up with a friendly bear hug of his own for Chris.

“Hey, if there’s anything I can do for you let me know,” Mr. Graham said seriously.

“Well, I could join you in watching Planet of the Apes and I wouldn’t turn down a cool glass of lemonade. It’s a real scorcher outside. Though I could have sworn I saw a dark cloud. Ah, Chickasaw, it’s my town now. Chickasaw seems like a dream to me now.”

“You were always such a poet, but you’re going to get something stronger than lemonade,” Mrs. Graham said.

Mr. Graham was one step ahead of her as he handed Chris a martini.

“Have this, I’ll make another one for me. Start the movie hon.”

2 hours later.

“Statue of Liberty, again. Gets to me every time. I’ve got to be going,” Chris said.

“Don’t rush off, Chris. But if you have to, I repeat, if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.” Mr. Graham looked at him with that uncharacteristically serious expression again.

“I count on the support of all my people. Hey, what’s that list? Chris asked.
“Oh, that. We’re putting together a fundraiser for the Republican Senatorial candidate. Five-hundred a head.”

“Why didn’t you ask me? Put me down.”

Mr. Graham looked surprised.

“Oh, Chris. You don’t have to-”

“I said put me down. Don’t you think I’m good for it?” Chris walked over and added his name to the list.

“I’m off, my friends, to the next stop of The Diana Pool.”

Before he left, Mrs. G. gave him a hug with a trace of a tear in her eye.

“Good luck,” she said.
“And if there’s anything we can do,” Mr. G said before Chris could interrupt him.

“I know. I know. I’ll let you know.”

Chris shook off their rather odd behavior and headed to the Hammers of Lee St.

Chris spotted Mrs. Hammer on the porch fanning herself. Conveniently enough, she was already watching a movie.

This was going to work out just fine.

When he came closer he recognized the movie as Charles Bronson in Death Wish.

Mrs. Hammer spotted him and came to the screen door.

“What are you doing here?” she spewed out.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Hammer. I’m making the rounds of Chickasaw going from house to house and watching movies. Watching movies…I’m calling it The Diana-

“That’s fine that you come around for something frivolous.”

“I see you are watching Death Wish. No one’s tougher than ole Charlie Bronson.”

Chris noticed the squint in Mrs. Hammer’s eyes eerily matched the squint in the eyes of Charles Bronson behind her in a manner that was disconcerting.

Mrs. Hammer pointed a finger. “All that time my son was in the hospital. You never came to see him. You never called. You never did anything.”

Chris thought for a moment. Yes…er…yes, how is ole M. C. doing? Is he feeling better?”

Mrs. Hammer tightened her jaw in anger. “If you ever come on my property again, I’m going to call the police.”

“I think I’ve seen enough of this movie to count it.” Chris said. “I’ll be on my way.” Chris scooted away from the Hammer household as quickly as he could manage.

Before he got to the Hooper’s, Chris leaned against the fence just off Lee Street. He felt a wet tongue on his hand. He smiled in recognition.

“Molly Bear! What are you doing all the way over here? Did momma let you out?”

It was Chris’s prized Golden Retriever. Chris laughed at his fuzzy friend and reached over the fence to pet her. Then he turned to his right and eyed the field in front of them.

From the opposite side of the fence, Molly Bear appeared to do the same.

“Ready to race girl?”

Before waiting for any kind of affirmation, Chris took off running along the fence.

Despite his head start, Molly Bear soon overtook him and left him in the dust. Chris pulled up after about thirty yards and began panting.

As he saw Molly racing into the distance, he yelled out, “You win. Go on home girl. Go on home. Tell momma to lock the door and keep up with you better.”

Molly Bear was now out of sight and Chris walked slowly to the Hooper’s house on Ray Sawyer Rd.

Chris heard some music in the backyard of the Hooper place. As he got closer he recognized The Doors song, “Break on Through.” He interpreted this as a subliminal message and let himself into the backyard where three lounging teenagers gave him a non-committal wave.

It was then that he spotted her coming across the yard drinking a fruit drink of some kind through a straw.

“Julie Hooper!” Chris yelled out.

Julie Hooper dropped her drink and rushed over embrace him.

“It’s so good to see you Mr. Chris! It’s been ages,” she said.

Chris scanned her over.“Oh, my God. You’re just all grown up now.”
Julie blushed as he continued speaking. “You’d appreciate this. I’m on a quest of sorts.” Julie nodded in appreciation as Chris went on. “Julie, I’m going from house to house in Chickasaw and watching movies. I’m calling it The Diana Pool!” Anyway, don’t let me go on. I want to hear about you-but hey, maybe later you could come by and visit the girls.”

Julie looked confused. “The girls? Are you putting me on?”

“No, no they’re probably in the backyard now, tanning, texting their friends and playing fetch with the dogs. I’m assuming Molly Bear has made it home of course. Hey, I almost forgot. I need to find a television and watch a movie.”

“Well, there’s a couple of guys in the den watching something,” she said.

Chris smiled as Julie took him by the hand and led him inside.

Pulp Fiction, Perfect. I can watch that for the tenth time, no problem.”

“That time line still confuses me,” she said.

“That’s why your friendly neighborhood librarian/mayor is here to explain things for you.”

2 hours later.

“I got it that time!” Julie said excitedly.

“Repeated viewings can really make a difference. Well, it’s time for me to head to the next house. Why don’t you come with me?”

Julie thought for a minute. “Okay, sounds like fun!”


Mrs. Bunker greeted Chris and Julie warmly after they came into their house on Jackson Street. They appeared to be having a gathering of some sort.

“So glad to see you,” Mrs. Bunker said after giving him fake kisses on each cheek. “I’ll tell Bunky you're here. I think he’ll think its grand.”

They really got this together quickly after the inauguration, Chris thought.

After Mrs. Bunker left for the kitchen, Chris came across an old acquaintance, but had little trouble remembering her name.

“Hello, Chris” she said. “Long time no see.”

“Glad to see you again too.” He kissed her hand, but recognition was slow in coming. “I got it! You played the Doctor in Star Trek: The Next Generation. Am I right?”

The woman self-consciously grabbed at her eyebrows. “I guess I should have waxed yesterday. Thanks for being so subtle.” She moved away from him, trying to sweep her hair further down her forehead.

Mr. Bunker came up to Chris and vigorously shook his hand.

“Good to see you out and about, my man. I’d just like to tell you how I thought it was such a lousy break you got. Just cause you can get a guy cheaper and is maybe a year or two younger doesn’t mean they have to give you the bum’s rush.”

Chris again was confused. “I thank you for your support Bunky, as always, but I really don’t know what you’re talking…but, oh, I’m sorry. Julie. Everyone, you all know Julie Hooper, all grown up now.”

Everyone smiled and nodded as Julie playfully slapped at his arm to signal him to stop going on about her. He winked at her before escorting her over to the bar.

“Let me buy you a drink, as they say,” Chris said.

Chris poured two glasses of Don Perrignon and gave one to Julie. “I’m taking for granted of course that you are drinking age.”

They wrapped their arms around each other and drank out of the other’s glass.

“Skoal” Chris said.

Julie whispered in his ear, “Skoal to you. But don’t you need to watch a movie? You know, your quest?”

“Of course!” He yelled over his shoulder. “Bunky! What’s up in your DVD player?”

“You want to watch a movie, now? Well, I was watching Midway before everyone got here. You know how I like Dubya Dubya Two movies.”

“Great. How symbolic. Midway through the journey. Average movie, about midway on the rotten tomato meter. Can I just watch a few minutes? Then we’ll be on our way.”

Mr. Bunker seemed sympathetic “Sure, Chris old man, we got to take pleasure where and when we can get it.”

After a few minutes of viewing, Chris turned off the TV. “Well, that’s enough. I know how it ends. Two Charlton Heston movies in one afternoon is a bit much. Hopefully, the rest of the day will bring more variety because I really don’t feel like sitting through Soylent Green today.”

Chris and Julie bid the Bunkers farewell and headed on. The couple bid him goodbye in return, but Chris sensed a little condescension in their tone.

After Chris and Julie returned to the street, he took note of them. “They acted strangely. Like they felt sorry for me. Most odd.”

“Who’s next?” Julie asked.

Chris hesitated.

The Hallorans on Johnston St. I’ve got to get motivated for them.

“Why don’t we go to the park first,” he suggested.

Julie agreed as they were practically at the park anyway.

Upon arrival, it seem to be a lot more run down than he remembered.

“Not much here as far as equipment.” Julie said. “But I can still do this.”
Julie did a handstand before coming back down perfectly to her feet.

She took a bow as Chris applauded and blew wolf whistles.

“Let me give it a shot,” he said.

“Oh, I don’t know, Mr. Chris,” she said.

Before she could talk him out of it, he attempted a handstand and flipped immediately over onto his back.

“Oh, no!” Julie cried out. “Are you all right?”

Chris rubbed his back as Julie came over to comfort him.

“That really smarts,” he said. “Teach the old man a lesson. But I’m fine.”

Julie plopped down next to him. “You need to take care of yourself…You know I’ve never told you this before, but I used to have such a crush on you. I wanted to always be with you on your shift at the library. I read a couple of the books you recommended just so I could show you how smart I was.”

Chris looked surprised. “Now you’re putting me on. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Julie blushed again.”You were married and I was basically a kid.”

Chris chuckled and looked to his left. “Look at that, Azaleas blooming at this time of year.”

“Oh, Mr. Chris you always can make me laugh.”

Chris didn’t see the joke, but took the opportunity to draw her hand to his and kiss it. “If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”

“Jim Morrison?” she asked, clearly uncomfortable with the intimacy of his touch.

“No, Aldous Huxley. Or was it William Blake? I guess Jim Morrison probably said it too.”

Julie drew her arm away from him.

“You did know I was married now,” she explained.

Chris looked confused. “I think I knew that. Older man, right? Huh. If you were going to marry an older man you should have asked me.”

Julie forced out a laugh as she kept talking.

“I met him through a computer dating service…I-”

“Nothing wrong with that, met my wife the same way.”

Chris brushed his hand against Julie’s cheek.

“Julie, I know you’re married now, but will you let me look after you…protect you…like a bodyguard?”

Julie pushed his hand away, pulled herself up and ran from the park.

Chris called out to her in anguish to return, but she quickly disappeared into the night.

Chris was limping slightly after his fall, but proceeded, by himself now, to the Halloran’s.

The warm greeting he received from the middle-aged couple on Johnston Street was welcome, but he still felt the need to avert his eyes from their appearance as they let him in their front door.

“Oh, don’t be such a prude Chris, ole man. I don’t understand why you never became a nudist,” Mr. Halloran said.

“God gave us this body. Why hide it? Besides, I’m not totally nude, I am wearing pearls,” Mrs. Halloran said.

“What can we do for you? We are so sad to hear about the way things are going.” Mr. Halloran said.

“What?” Chris said. “No, everything’s going fine. In fact, I’m going from house to house in Chickasaw and watching a movie at each one until I get home. I’m calling it The Diana-”

“Well, you’re in luck. We were just about to watch our favorite movie, Last Tango in Paris,” she said.

“You are welcome to join us old boy, but you are way too overdressed.” Mr. Halloran said.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing Last Tango. Could I at least keep a towel on?” Chris asked.

“Fine bashful Barney, there’s one in the bathroom.” Mrs. Halloran said disapprovingly.

After Chris went into the bathroom, Mrs. Halloran turned to her husband.

“What do you think he’s really doing here? I hope he doesn’t ask for money again.”

“Quiet down dear. He might hear you.”

Chris came out of the bathroom wrapped in nothing but a Sponge Bob towel.

“That’s our grandson’s. He’s less hung up about going au naturel than his mom, I’m afraid. But that’s another story. Let’s watch the movie, shall we?”

“Yes, yes. But what that’s list you’re making, Karen?” Chris asked.

“500$ a plate dinner for the Democratic candidate for Senator. Not that she has much of a chance to win in this backwater.”

“Oh, put me down for a plate.”

“But, Chris.”

“Put me down, Karen. I’m good for it. I’ve just misplaced my wallet.”

Karen wrote down Chris’s name, but made sure to write it in pencil.

2 hours later

“Beauty of mine, sit before me. Let me peruse you and remember you…always like this.” Chris said in his best Brando imitation.

“Very good. Very good indeed. But if you don’t mind ole boy, we’ve got to attend to a few phone calls about this dinner.” Mr. Halloran said.

“We’re are so delighted you stopped by to visit,” she said.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go anyway. I’ve got more movies to watch.”

Chris left the house and closed the door behind him.

The Hallorans heard a knock ten seconds later and opened the door.

“I almost forgot my-”

“Your clothes. Right here ole man.”

Chris turned a little red as he took them from him.

The Hallorans waved farewell to him from the window.

He could make out “Hang in there ole man.” on Mr. Halloran’s lips.

Chris smiled and waved at them, but breathed a sigh of relief as they closed the blinds and were out of his vision.

Chris headed to the Gilmartins on Jefferson Street. He noticed a red-headed boy sitting on the steps of the house signaling to him.

“Hey Mister, want to buy some Pokemon cards?”

“Well, I don’t have any money. I think I’ve misplaced my wallet.”

“Sorry, cash only.”

Chris laughed and slapped the boy gently on the back.

“Don't I know you? You’re…”

“I’m Collin. My parents are out of town right now.”

“Out of town? I just saw them at the…never mind. So, Collin. I know this is a strange request, but could I possibly go in your house and watch a movie. It doesn’t matter which movie. Any will do.”

“I’d like to help you, but our TV is broken.”

“Do you have a laptop. We can watch one of those streaming videos or whatever it’s called.”

“Got one, but it’s in the shop.”

Chris sat down dejectedly. Well, that’s it then. My quest is over.”

Collin seemed to sense Chris’s sadness and ran into the garage and reemerged with a VHS copy of Pokemon 2000.

“Oh, you have a VCR?”

“No, but if you move the case back and forth it’s just like looking at it. Or do you think that would be cheating? I spend a lot of time alone and like to use my imagination.”

Chris took the case from Collin and shook it like the boy suggested.

“You know what? I think that counts,” Chris said.

Chris gave Collin a hug.
“You’re a good kid. I need to be getting on, but you have to come by and see the girls sometime.

“Do you have to go?”

“I’ve got to head towards home. And you’ve helped me out a great deal. I’ll call you tomorrow and you can come see the girls. They’re probably be in the backyard tanning, texting their friends and playing fetch with the dogs.”

“Go if you have to.” Collin turned away from him.

Chris thought about staying to comfort the boy, but by this time Collin wasn’t really paying attention to him anymore and decided to leave for his next stop.

Chris rolled his eyes when he saw the sign that read Autumndale Dr. as he went up to the Biswanger house. It sounded to him like a party going on as he distinctly heard “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing” playing through the window.

Leave it to the Biswangers to crank up Leo Sayer. Chris thought as he entered the open door of the house. There was a party going on. People were dressed in bell-bottoms & polyester and a couple of makeshift disco balls were hanging from the ceiling.

A 70’s theme party. That seems really typical of the Biswangers.
Chris walked through the first wave of people before running smack into Mrs. Biswanger.

“Hello, Doris.”

“Well.” Doris Biswanger said. “Now this party has everything, even a gatecrasher.”

“Does this gatecrasher rate a drink?” Chris asked.

“Do whatever you want. I don’t care.” She said and walked away.

Chris walked over to the bartender. “Martini-very dry.” Chris said.

The bartender was slow to move, but made Chris his drink.

“I haven’t seen you around here before. Are you new?” Chris asked.

“I’ve always been the bartender,” he said, standing rigid and making no further comment.

The man made Chris nervous, so he picked up his drink and walked away. It was then than Harry Biswanger waived for the music to be cut off to make an announcement of some kind.

“Thank you all again for coming to our 70’s party. Now we’d like to hear a few words from our special guest.

Special guest? Chris wondered. Who could it be? Nick Saban? Ray Sawyer? Maybe a Senator. But at the Biswangers?

“Let me introduce…a lady that needs no introduction…Mrs. Joan Rivers.”

Chris did a spit take with his martini. What the hell is Joan Rivers doing in Chickasaw at the Biswangers?

Joan Rivers stood up and said, “Hello, my Alabama friends. I have one question for you. Can we talk?”

The crowd laughed approvingly at the signature line. Chris couldn’t keep himself from wincing.

Mrs. Rivers continued. “I flew in here from Liz Taylor’s and let me tell you that lady can really eat. I mean, her blood type is Ragu.”

The crowd laughed again, but Chris turned away praying this would be over soon.

After a few more one-liners, Mr. Biswanger took over again. “Thank you. Thank you. That was wonderful. It’s time for our movie now, in honor of our special guest. I present to you…Rabbit Test.”

As Chris groaned, a couple of the guests turned around angrily in his direction.
Well, it is a movie. Even if it is a really bad one.

2 hours later

After the movie, everyone applauded and Joan Rivers took a bow. Harry took the opportunity to roll out a record player in front of everyone.

“Thank you so much, Mrs. Rivers and continuing with our theme, I’m going to play some single 45’s. To you younger in the crowd, this is what they look like.” He held one up and a couple in their twenties looked at the small black record with the big hole in the middle as if Biswanger had just brought out the Rosetta Stone.

This whole thing was not going well for Chris.

Biswanger turned it on and put the needle down. The first song was Top of the World by The Carpenters. The song played, I’m on the top of the world looking down on creation…down on creation…down on creation before skipping to the rest of the song.

Chris stood up. “Hey!” he yelled out. “That’s my record! I know the skip.”

Chris went over to the stacks of wax and went through them. “Sister Mary Elephant by Cheech and Chong, Mull of Kintyre by Paul McCartney & Wings, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee, Kodachrome by Paul Simon, Grover Henson Feels Forgotten by Bill Cosby, King Tut by Steve Martin …These records are mine! Where did you get these, Biswanger?”

Mrs. Biswanger marched up to Chris “We got them at a yard sale if you must know.”

Chris turned away from her, in the direction of Harry.

“I’ll give you double what you paid for them.”

“So you’re saying you’ll give me a dollar for them?” Harry Biswanger asked.

“I’d give it to you now, but it seems I’ve lost my wallet.”

“I think it’s time for you to go.” Mrs. Biswanger said as she motioned to the bartender, who came and took Chris by the arm and led him to the door.

“You’ll hear from my lawyers,” Chris said as he looked at the guests, including Joan Rivers, who were all looking back at him with disdain.

The bartender led him outside and gave him a cold stare before going back into the Biswanger house.

Chris felt chilled to the bone as he hurried away from Autumndale to 3rd St. and the home of Shirley Abbott.


When Shirley opened the door, he could see traces of lines under her eyes after she removed her sunglasses that he hadn’t noticed before.

“Hello, Shirley,” Chris said with a smile that was not returned.

“What are you doing here?” she said walking away from him into her living room, yet not throwing him out.

“I’ve been on a quest to go from house to house of Chickasaw and watch movies along the way. I’m calling it the…It probably sounds a little silly to you.”

“Why, yes, it does. But it shouldn’t surprise me. I thought you might have grown up since you got ejected from the front row of your luxury box.”

“I guess not. What do we have to drink?”

We? That’s funny. We have some Vodka. I usually drink straight out of the bottle, but there’s a little orange juice left if you want.”

Chris laughed, but couldn’t tell by her tone how serious she was about her drinking habits.

He made a Screwdriver for himself and for Shirley. She put the drink aside after he handed it to her.

“I repeat my question. Why are you here?” She asked.

“I told you. I’m on a quest-“

“Yes, to watch movies or some other such rubbish. Fine. Have a seat. I was just about to watch a movie myself while I painted my toenails.”

“Wonderful. So what’s today’s feature?”

She showed him the Blu-Ray cover.

Sex and the City 2? Boy, you must really be mad at me to put me through that.”

“You solipsistic son of a bitch! Do you really think I’ve been just waiting for you to come by all this time just so I could play this movie so I could get a rise out of you? You self-centered, egotistical…”

“Whoa! Truce. I’ll be good.”

Shirley turned the movie on and began painting her toenails. After a couple of minutes, Chris got antsy and bored, as most men did while watching Sex and the City 2.

“May I?” Chris asked indicating he would apply her nail polish.

She shrugged, unsmiling.

Chris took her foot and gently administered a couple of swipes on her big toe. He stopped for a moment before bending down and kissing her foot. Then he felt the blow from her other free foot to the side of his face knocking him down.

She looked a little guilty that she kicked him so hard, but she didn’t back down verbally. “Serves you right. You just don’t seem to understand anything.”

“Understand? I don’t understand any of this, any of what is happening to me. I was snubbed by the Biswangers…of Autumndale Drive and even worse, I was snubbed by Joan Rivers!”Chris rubbed his cheek where Shirley had kicked him as he continued. “I kept telling people that I didn’t want to use my office of mayor just as a stepping stone, but that’s not really true. I admit I had my eye on the Governor’s mansion and after that…who knows.”

“What on earth are you going on about?” Shirley said as she came over to him and applied a warm washcloth to his face.

Chris grabbed her hand and nestled it against him. “What happened to us, Shirley?”

Shirley was temporarily caught up in the moment before she pushed him away. She wadded the washcloth up and hurled it at him.

Chris could only look at her with his jaw open in surprise.

Shirley turned beet red as she stood up and began shouting.

“You are just a bastard! Who do you think you are, you library lothario! I never told you about the time I followed you and your wife, Mrs. Perfect SAT score and the rest of your family. You were going to see Harry Potter and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air or whatever the hell it’s called. You were going into the theater you all looked so happy with such big smiles on your face. But two hours before you were with me and I was one who put that smile on your face. How I cried…how I…You know I was just acting when I was with you! I never liked it! I never liked you! Get out! Get out! And don’t come back. These stacks are closed, baby!”

Shirley shoved him out the front door and slammed it shut.

“You’re lying. You liked it.” Chris said softly to himself. He took a couple of steps away from her house, pumping his fist in defiance and yelled.


Chris was cold now as he made his way back to Chickasaw Civic Center and the swimming pool. It was open. A cleansing dip was all he could think about now.

“One dollar.” The man at the gate said.

Chris put his hands on the counter. “I’ve lost my wallet somewhere. Can I pay you tomorrow?”

“One dollar.” The man at the gate said again as he pointed at the sign.

Behind him, Harvey Jones and his wife came up and paid their admission to get into the pool.

“Harvey!” Chris said. “Could you loan me a buck to get into the pool.”

Harvey reached for his wallet, but his wife put her hand against his arm. “Don’t do it Harvey. Why should you?”

“It’s just a dollar, honey.”

Harvey handed him a dollar and his wife rolled her eyes as the Joneses went in ahead of him.

“Hey, buddy.” The man at the gate said as Chris entered the pool area. “You’re going to need some trunks.”

“I don’t have any trunks. I just want to dip my feet in for an minute and leave.”

“Stop giving me such a hard time. You got to have trunks.”

Chris started to argue, but then he heard a television playing in the lifeguard quarters. He peeked in to see what was on. The two lifeguards had a DVD player and they were watching a movie. Chris took a step forward to see what it was.

He frowned.

Taken? That one with Liam Neeson? God, I hate that movie!”

The lifeguards seemed irritated at the intrusion and shut the door and presumably continued watching their film of choice.

When Chris turned around, Harvey, his wife and another Chickasaw resident named Les were facing him.

“Chris, at the public pool. Guess this is what can happen to one when he’s not careful,” Harvey’s wife said.

Les waved a portly finger in Chris’s direction. “Chris, I need that money you owe me. I run a respectable business. No more credits.”

“What’s that Les? Sure, if I owe you money. I’ll see to it. Sure.”

“Listen to him Harvey, he’s trying to get away with something. In trouble again, just like those daughters of his.” Mrs. Jones said.

Chris turned to her angrily. “What are you talking about? My daughters are in the backyard now, tanning, texting their friends and playing fetch with the dogs…And my daughters worship they very ground I walk on!”

Harvey stood in front of his wife. “Oh, yeah? You know what I heard your daughters saying about you? They were laughing at you behind your back and making that little L sign with one set of their fingers and a seven with the other. I couldn’t catch all they were saying but they were clearly laughing at you-”
“L7? A square! Me? You liar!” Chris pushed Harvey to the side and stomped out of the pool area and headed home to 2nd Street.

The crash of thunder could be heard in the background as Chris crossed the stretch of road between 1st and 2nd street. He almost got run over by a car, before another passing vehicle honked and threw garbage at him. He paid no attention to any of this as the light rain quickly became heavier. Chris came up to the front gate of his house, but was unable to get the latch on it undone.

He walked around to the back of his house and went through the backyard. As he stepped in a mud puddle, he noticed Molly Bear’s doghouse, which was worn from disuse and had a broken wooden sign that said Molly Bear swinging in the breeze on one nail. He walked passed it to the wooden deck where his daughters liked to tan and saw that weeds had grown all over it. He could have sworn the he heard the girls laughing, but realized that there was no one there. He approached the back door and reached for the handle and tried to get in. It wouldn’t open. If he had been able to look inside the house, he would have noticed it was dark and empty.

Well, almost empty. He walked around to a side window where he saw a ray of light. He wiped the fog off the glass and saw a small black and white television in the back corner of the living room. He smiled as he could make out the picture on the tube. It was Burt Lancaster, starring in Chris’s favorite movie.


  1. Chris, the way your mind works continues to amaze me. I can't wait until you're famous so I can bum off your fame!

  2. "The Swimmer" is one of my all time favorite movies. It really haunted me when I was younger.

  3. I remember you telling me about this movie but I've still never seen it. I've got to find time to finish reading the blog before I can think about watching it!

  4. To Harry Goaz: It's good to know I'm not alone.

    To Belle: Thank you for your kind words

    To Wilma Jo: Can I offer you a book on time management?