Wednesday, August 22, 2012


Le bloc en cinq tableaux

Tableux trois: Seeking help about being confused by Godard

The 1001 blogger has decided to watch as many films as he can from New Wave French director Jean Luc-Godard. This endeavor has proven a challenge to his emotional and intellectual well-being. He has made an appointment with his regular analyst Dr. Berger, who bears a striking resemblance to actor Judd Hirsch, to guide him through the rocky patches.

(The 1001 Blogger enters Dr. Berger’s office)

Dr. Berger: Come in. I was very worried about you when you called me. Please have a seat.

1001 Blogger: (Sitting) Thank you. I appreciate you seeing me.

Dr. Berger: And don’t worry. Since I got your message about your issues with the films of Jean Luc-Godard, I did my research and watched as many of his films as I could.

1001 Blogger: I’ll say this, you're thorough.

Dr. Berger: So tell me what’s going on.

1001 Blogger: Well, I picked this woman up at the local Dollar General and took her home.

Dr. Berger: And did you have intercourse with her?

1001 Blogger: No. Nothing like that. I just made her watch Godard’s Weekend.

Dr. Berger: And how did she react?

1001 Blogger: She through a baggette at me, cursed me and my entire lineage and stormed out.

Dr. Berger: What did you do then?

1001 Blogger: I shook it off and watched more Godard films. Alphaville and Pierrot le Fou.

Dr. Berger: Ah, Genre films. I caught those.

1001 Blogger: But they don’t fit neatly into a genre. Is Alphaville a sci-fi or should it be defined as hard boiled detective? Is Pierrot a criminal film? Pierrot is like Badlands on acid. But it was made before Badlands or Bonny and Clyde for that matter. So it had kind of a reverse derivative effect on me. Do you see why I’m so confused?

Dr. Berger: (Moving to the closet where he removes something) This might help. Role playing. I’ll put this general’s uniform on. And here’s a coolie hat and you can be the Vietnamese village girl…

1001 Blogger: Uh, no. I appreciate that you’ve studied these films and want to recreate scenes, but that’s just too weird. Of course, I don’t have any better suggestions at present.

Dr. Berger: In life one can only know the present, No one’s lived in the past or will live in the future,

1001 Blogger: I don’t really know the present either…at least at the present, you might say.

Dr. Berger: Have you seen A Beautiful Mind yet? I love that film.

1001 Blogger: Yes, but what does that have to do with the price of tea in Marsielle?

Dr. Berger: Sorry, I was daydreaming for a minute.

1001 Blogger: Yes, doctor. But what about Godard?

Dr. Berger: I think we’re about out of time.

(A siren goes off and Dr. Berger begins to caresses the walls as he feels his way to the door.)

1001 Blogger: What are you doing? We can't be done yet!

Dr. Berger: Sorry. I’m most helpless. Alpha 60 is calling me! Alpha 60 is calling me! Come back next week! Show yourself out...

(Dr. Berger leaves the room. The 1001 blogger eventually gets up and leaves as well, realizing he is in even worse condition than we he came in.)

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