Thursday, August 23, 2012


Le bloc en cinq tableaux

Tableaux quatre: Becoming even further confused about Godard

The 1001 blogger has decided to watch as many films as he can from New Wave French director Jean Luc-Godard. He is in his second appointment with his regular analyst Dr. Berger, though as he enters the psychiatrist’s office he notices that Berger has been repaced. A vouluptuous blonde comes up to the blogger and shakes his hand.

Dr. Baxter: Good afternoon. I’m Dr. B. B. Baxter. I will be taking over your case. Dr Berger is…well he said something about visiting the Outlands. I have no idea what that means. Anyway, I have familiarized myself with your case. Have a seat.

1001 Blogger: I’m just taken a bit aback. You look just like…You look like a young Brigitte Bardot.

Dr. Baxter: Tell me about it! It’s really made it that much harder for me to be taken seriously.People say they imagine me sunning nude on an Acapulco beach and not in a stuffy office. Can you imagine?

1001 Blogger: Vividly. I don’t say!

Dr. Baxter: Which is funny that your file says you have been watching Godard films. Have you seen Contempt yet?

1001 Blogger: Yes. As a matter of fact that was what I watched last week. It’s weird that I see the only film I have ever seen with Brigitte Bardot and now I have a new analyst that looks just like Brigitte Bardot.

Dr. Baxter: Not as much a coincidence as you might think. It’s like reading a book and seeing the word tunnel as you go through a tunnel. Not that much of a coincidence really. Or overhearing someone say the word hole at the very moment you trip over a rabbit hole, or-

1001 Blogger: I get it. I get it.

(Dr. Baxter crosses her perfect legs which fall gracefully underneath her short skirt and the 1001 blogger attempts unsuccessfully to avert his gave.)

Dr Baxter: It’s kind of hot in here. Don’t you think?

(The doctor unites the ribbon holding her hair. She shakes her hair, her blonde tresses flowing wildly.)

1001 Blogger: I’m a little distracted at the moment. What did you ask me again?

Dr. Baxter: I didn’t ask anything...yet. But we were talking about the movie Contempt. What did you think about it?

1001 Blogger: I’m just thinking about that opening scene where Bardot asks her husband what she thinks of her body parts.

Dr. Baxter: Yes! I think I know what to do now.

(Dr. Baxter turns off the main room light and a flourescent light comes on in its stead. Mood music begins to play. Dr. Baxter sprawls out on the polar bear rug directly in front of her patient. She reaches into her dress and pulls something out in the direction of the blooger.)

Dr. Baxter: Here. Speak directly into my dictaphone.

(The 1001 Blogger can only nod.)

Dr. Baxter: So tell me Mr. Blogger. Do you like my hair?

1001 Blogger: Uh…uh…

Dr. Baxter: I said do you like my hair? Do you want to be cured or not?

1001 Blogger: Yes. Yes. I like your hair.

Dr. Baxter: Do you like my face?

1001 Blogger: Yes. Yes. I like your face.

Dr. Baxter: My legs. Do you like my legs?

1001 Blogger: Yes. Yes very much.

Dr. Blogger: And my breasts. Do you like my breasts?

1001 Blogger: Uh..uh..

Dr. Baxter: Come on now. Do I have to actually show them to you? All right. (She begins to unbuttoned her shirt)Here..(Noticing her patient wavering in his chair)Hey, what's wrong?(Dr. Baxter comes up to him, but before she can reach him, he has passed out onto the floor.)

Dr. Baxter: (speaking into her Dictaphone, after testing his pulse and determinging that he has merely fainted.) Patient 1001 seems to be having difficulty coping with reality. Was unable to complete treatment to full climax. When patient regains consciousness, recommend session with more advanced specialist. I will be heading to Acapulco for a couple of weeks for some aquatic and tanning therapy of my own. Baxter out.

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